The Lessons of Love I learned from ‘Stardust’

December 19, 2007 by  
Filed under Goals

Yesterday one of my favorite movies is came out on DVD, Stardust. It was one of those films that didn’t get the press it deserved and wasn’t handled very well with its marketing.

They don’t make movies like this anymore; it had intrigue, love, humor, adventure, character growth, lots of heart and my one-day future ex-wife Claire Danes (sorry I haven’t call ya baby!) And I can’t wait to own it. (The DVD, cause no one owns Claire Danes!)

With it, there are a few lessons to be learned, most of them relationship ones. Now if you haven’t seen the movie, read no further, watch it, rent it, buy it! It’s worth it. But before you do, subscribe to and come back and read about what I learned from this movie I hold close to my heart. So, lets get to it and be warned spoilers ahead!


Our hero, Tristan is trying to win the love of Victoria (Sienna Miller) and after witnessing a falling star, promises to bring it to her to prove his love. One thing leads to another and he finds himself beyond the wall and in a mythical and magical world where he runs into the fallen Star, who, as it turns out is a woman named Yvaine (Claire Danes).

Tristan starts his journey dragging Yvaine along against her will, back to Victoria, to make good on his promise and win his hearts desire. Which leads me to what I wanted to get at, Tristan is a nice guy.

Tristan is a nice guy, with a big heart and a strong resolve. He starts his journey with one of the pitfalls of many a Nice Guy, the idea that he can change her mind by going out of his way to prove his love.

He spends a lot of his time so focused on winning Victoria over that he fails to notice his budding romance with Yvaine. He is so intent on his goal that he isn’t very nice to the lost and scared Yvaine and at one point he even tied her to a tree, in the middle of the forest… in the dead of night.

But there is hope for our hero, he grows up and he evolves as a person. He trades his obsessive one-sided relationship with the manipulative Victoria for a mutual and deep love with Yvaine. But how does one get there? How does a nice guy or gal come to accept that the way they conduct themselves isn’t winning the game? (For more on this, refer to our previous post ‘What Most Idiots Don’t Know about Fear of Failure or you can my article of the Nice Guy here)

A big part of it is that you have to stop thinking of relationships as your feelings towards another person, but rather what feelings are there between the two of you. Tristan and Yvaine grow closer as their adventure continues and they are a better fit with one another, whereas Tristan’s relationship with Victoria, as far as we know, has always been one-sided and she mostly plays with his emotions to get what she wants out of him.

The narrator will tell you that this is not a tale of a boy who becomes a man, but a tale of a man who finds his true love. But really, to win her love, he must first become a man. Tristan grows up, becomes more responsible, mature and sees the error of the way he had been conducting himself. Enough so, that he is willing to let go of who he wants for the love of the woman he needs.

When Tristan reached this point in his journey, even Victoria is taken aback at his transformation. He has the character traits that could have attracted her to him, but at this point she already lost her chance and he’s figured out that she isn’t the one for him.

Stardust has reinforced what I’ve grown to think about being a Nice Guy, many of his actions early on were exactly how I would conduct myself several years ago and his character growth leads him to be more the type of person who can attract and gain someone’s love.

Just remember my Nice Monks out there; sometimes there is a lot of growing up for you to do. You’re not a perfect person as much as you might think you are. And in many cases, you have to let go of who you want, in order to find who you need in your life.

Wives and Standards

December 5, 2007 by  
Filed under Goals

For those of you who’ve wanted me to be more personal in my blog here’s your chance to get to know me and my life better. Well, my wife is pregnant with our first baby. And she’s experiencing some pubic pain. We are planning on getting Mother-to-be Maternity Support. My mind’s been going bonkers. Needless to say, she and my soon-to-be-born daughter are the loves of my life. I’ve been trying to keep myself available to her while at the same time, trying to find more ways to provide for them.

I haven’t been able to concentrate on the article I planned for today and I realize I need more material for it. So, I pulled it for today. The other reason I’m not publishing it is because I want to maintain a higher level of standard for my posts. The heart and soul of this blog is personal development, goals and success, let’s called ‘Monkish Posts’. Of course, I add featurettes, like my Top 10s, and Clip of the Week. But, I want to make sure I do a little more research and work on these Monkish posts. They won’t be perfect, but I really want my readers to get something out of it. I am actually coming up with a standard that my monkish posts must adhere to before publishing. I hope all of you notice and appreciate the difference and I hope the blog grows even more because of it.

Anyways, I need to tend to my beautiful wife. To whet your appetites my next monkish post will have something to do with fear. See you in my next post.

“The Secret’s” Own Cloverfield

November 28, 2007 by  
Filed under Goals, Movies

What is Cloverfield?

Cloverfield is a new giant monster movie coming out by JJ Abrams. It’s a movie with many secrets. Enormous efforts were made to keep the monsters look, a secret. When the first teaser trailer came out Abrams didn’t even name the movie. The audience was left guessing. He kept it a secret!

Still More Secrets

This article isn’t about Cloverfield the movie. It’s about another movie, a DVD movie called “The Secret”. This movie also has a huge gigantic monster of a secret. It’s own Cloverfield, if you will. Rest assured casual readers and true subscribers I’m going to give you a glimpse at “The Secret’s” own Cloverfield.

But, Wait! A Word of Warning

Sometimes mysteries are best left unsolved because the imaginary explanation behind the ‘mystery’ is often more powerful than the real ‘explanation’. It’s often more fun to believe there really is a Loch Ness monster underneath murky waters. So if you don’t want to be told that Santa Claus does not exist stop reading. Or if you’re the kind of person that loves to know how magic tricks are done then read on.

What’s “The Secret” about?

Want more spice in your life? Money? Love? Success? By following “The Secret” you can easily get everything you dream of. Literally speaking by using “The Law of Attraction”.

What is The Law of Attraction?

In a nutshell, “The Law of Attraction” insists that your feelings and thoughts are powerful and can attract real events into your life. Anything from the workings of the cosmos to interactions among individuals in their physical, emotional and professional affairs are controlled by our thoughts.

Basically all you have to do is believe and I mean believe intensely on what you want to attract into your life and the universe will bow down to your will. You can even cure life threatening ailments by just believing.

What happens if you don’t get what you believed in?

Well, according to the secret, you didn’t believe enough. It’s entirely your fault. “The Law of Attaction” is off the hook.

Finally Cloverfield Revealed

If you haven’t guessed by now. Ok, here it is. The Gigantic Monster Cloverfield secret is… it’s all bunk, BS, a smelly lie. That’s right it’s all a sham. Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Larry King, they’re all suckers.

Ok I take back what I said about Larry King

Despite the DVD selling at a tremendous pace and gaining worldwide attention and reaching the New York Times Best-Seller List there has been an avalanche of criticism towards the “The Secret” for good reason.

According to Wikipedia, Larry King rightly pointed out that if the Universe manifests abundance at a mere thought why is there so much poverty, starvation and death?

There is no scientific basis for “The Secret” claims. All evidence is anecdotal and subjective and highly susceptible to misinterpretations.

We also live in a country that allows for people to overcome adversity, which would allow a impoverished homeless man to attain the American dream. This would not be the case for much of the world.

It has been criticized by Time, The Guardian, Slate, Newsweek, the Chicago reader the Los Angeles Times, the Dayton Daily News.

You know it’s bad when its own stars criticize the movie

Even ‘The Secret’s own interviewees on the DVD claim they were taken out of context and they didn’t agree with the “The Secret” main premise. Here is an excerpt from one of the interviewees themselves from the Community of Excellence.

You Can’t Escape

Mark states how I truly feel about the whole thing. I believe in laser focusing on your goal through whatever means, be it visualizations, goal setting and most importantly actions.

Of course some things take patience, making a non-action or not making a move until the most opportune moment, but for the most part it takes action to achieve your goal.

When focusing on how to get to your goal ideas eventually come to mind. But, it’s up to you to take the heartfelt actions to achieve them. There’s no way around this fact. It’s in the 90% perspiration not the 10% of inspiration. You must roll up your sleeves, put on your magic armor, brave the dark realms on your path and slay the dragons to reach the golden treasure. No one will do it for you.


Who knows how Cloverfield the movie will do when it’s released to the public. Hopefully it won’t be ignored like an old dust collector sitting on a shelf for years. Just like I hope “The Secret” Cloverfield won’t be ignored either. Remember folks it’s ok to visualize, meditate, do your mantras and its even good, but ultimately accomplishing your dreams is in your actions.

State of the Blog 11/27/2007

November 27, 2007 by  
Filed under Goals


My readership sunk back to 30 on Monday. I’m not so sure I’ll hit my goal and even if I did it would probably sink back down again. But, that’s ok. Considering my blog is only about a month old its not too bad. Anyways, I wanted to post some success. I really want my readers to read more than one post upon visiting and it looks like that is what is happening.

As laughable as my readership numbers are I do hope they rise!

Follow the Right Steps to Reach Your Goal

November 15, 2007 by  
Filed under Goals, Movies

“You’re 5 foot nothin’, 100 and nothin’, and you have barely a speck of athletic ability. And you hung in there with the best college football players in the land for 2 years. And you’re gonna walk outta here with a degree from the University of Notre Dame. In this life, you don’t have to prove nothin’ to nobody but yourself. Am I making myself clear?” –Fortune, Rudy

In my Mistakes Dreamers Make article, the second mistake people often make is they don’t exactly know the right way to get to where they want to be. Some people believe the only way to be a successful performer is being the American Idol. They don’t know that American Idol is just one audition out of thousands they could potentially try out for.

He didn’t exactly know how to do it. One of the keys of his success is Father Cavanaugh told him he could admit himself into Holy Cross and enter Norte Dame as a transfer student. To which he did. Had Rudy not been told this he probably never would have made it.

Dreamers often get stuck because they focus on their obstacles. Focus on your goals. Figure out the right steps to get to where you want to be and follow each step one by one.

Rudy had bad grades; he was small for a football player and didn’t really have all that much athletic skill. But, he knew the steps he needed to take in order to accomplish his goals. He had to get good grades in Holy Cross, he had to transfer to Norte Dame, he had to make the tryouts and finally he had the shot at coming onto the field and playing football.

Brought to you by:

Anthony Robbins

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State of the Blog for the week beginning 11/12/2007

November 12, 2007 by  
Filed under Goals

As some of you may know my Monthly Goal is to reach 50 rss subscribers by December 1, 2007. Last week was hairy. I had a huge drop in subscribers midweek, but I almost fully recovered over the weekend. I don’t know if my announcement here hurt or helped me. But people I need you to subscribe, preferably through email!

Every current and new subscriber’s email will be entered into a drawing. That winner will be able to choose between ”Awaken the Giant Within”, ‘Success Built to Last : Creating a Life that Matters’ or ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’.

If you already signed up please let me know so you’re your name will have a chance at a prize I’m giving out. Pass the word to your friends. Come on and help me achieve my goal!

Also, I researched a few Affiliate programs for the weekend and you’ll see them on here by Friday. Also, I will be working a little more on quality control. I’m hoping to create a more worthwhile experience for my readers and I guess we’ll see how that goes in the coming weeks.

Quality Versus Quantity

November 8, 2007 by  
Filed under Goals

“It is the quality of our work which will please God and not the quantity.” -Mahatma Gandhi

Focus on Quality
© Photographer: Sanuk | Agency:

I spent time with my wife and watched Kitchen Nightmares last night. A show I posted about in Gordon Ramsay: A Real Mentor to Restaurateurs . As you know, in other posts I talked about how you can succeed through observation. One thing that has been on my mind and something I see over and over in successful restaurants is the concept of quality. Gordon Ramsey does not release a meal until it passes his quality test. Every time you release something you say something about your product, so when you release your product it should exist in the way you intended it.

I’ve been having a hard time coming up with quality posts. The main reason is the time constraint on having to publish. I am often left unsatisfied with my end product. It could have been better had I had more time to research, more time to refine. Some of my posts I really wasn’t too happy with.

Hattori Hanzo

It took Hattori Hanzo 7 days to create his finest sword. What if it takes me a month to release a post I am happy with? That probably may not fly either, it’s something I will have to think about and tinker with.

Taking a lesson from Nightmare Kitchens, I want to concentrate on quality. Creating posts that are a little higher quality. So for the next few days or weeks I’ll be experimenting with not releasing a post if I am not satisfied with the quality. It doesn’t have to be a work of Shakespeare. I just have to be happy with what I’m releasing and I’ll try not to go overboard with it. I will continue to publish the featurettes and state of the blog, but when it comes to the posts that are most important to me I’ll give myself a little more time to publish them.

Will this work for me or against me? I suppose we will find out.

Until then observe, study and learn.

Three Mistakes Dreamers Make and How to Avoid Them

November 7, 2007 by  
Filed under Goals

“Well, you know I never got to bat in the major leagues. I’d like to have my chance just once, to stare down a big league pitcher, to stare him down and just as he goes into his wind-up, wink, make him think you know something he doesn’t. That’s what I wish. A chance to squint at the sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it. To feel the tingle in your arms as you connect with the ball, to run the bases, stretch a double into a triple, and flop face-first into third, wrap your arms around the bag. That’s my wish, Ray Kinsella, that’s my wish. And is there enough magic out there in the moonlight to make this dream come true?” -“Moonlight” Graham, Field of Dreams

In Field of Goals, I asked when should you give up on a dream. I’ve thought about this for the last few days. I do honestly believe that if a person worked enough and hard enough they’d be able to accomplish anything.

However, when I watch people pursue their dreams there are three mistakes people make. The first is that when in comes to professions, oftentimes there simply isn’t enough room for everyone to achieve their dream profession. There can only be one American Idol a year out of the tens of thousands of hopefuls. There are only so many players in a professional basketball team. Not everyone can go to bat in the major leagues.

The second is, sometimes people have the wrong idea of how to get to where they want to go. I think about that aspiring actress, she had no agent, no experience and no clue. Yet, somehow she still believed she didn’t need any of that. Someone will discover her and she’ll have the lead role in a multimillion-dollar movie. All with no agent, no experience and no clue. In all honesty she’s probably still waiting to be discovered.

And the third has to do with not knowing the impact your dream will have on your life. You might achieve a dream only to find it wasn’t what you thought it would be.

When I think about the first mistake one phrase comes to mind. I don’t remember where I read it, but it went something like “Shoot for the stars and you might hit a sun. Shoot for a sun and you could miss the whole thing.” In other words, having a dream be the next American Idol is like shooting for a sun. You give yourself an all or nothing at hitting it big. A dream to be a professional singer is like shooting for the stars. You have broader playing field. You have more paths to choose from. More possibilities.

But even if you broaden your horizons, how do you get there? It’s easy to say you want to be a gourmet chef in a high-class restaurant. How do you get there? You have to find out every single thing it takes to accomplish your dream, you have to know what kind of knowledge you‘ll need to garner. You will need to know the roadmap to your destination. To own a restaurant you have to know more than to cook. You’ll have to learn to run a restaurant business. Read, interview and study the most prominent figures in the area you’re trying to get into.

Even if you know how to get where you want to go, how do you know you’re going to enjoy the view? In your study of your monks, read about their lives after they achieved what you want to achieve. How happy and satisfied are they? If you know about what kind of lifestyle you’re going to have to live after achieving your dream and if it still attractive, this alone can help you decide whether you really want to live this dream.

So that’s it, the three mistakes people make and how to avoid them. What do you think?

State of the Blog for the week beginning 11/04/2007

November 5, 2007 by  
Filed under Books, Goals

Ok, my stated Monthly Goal is to reach 50 rss subscribers by December 1, 2007. My efforts are paying off. I’m not going to say just how much right now. I will say there is a definite increase in subscribers. Thanks everyone! I still need more if I’m going to make or surpass my goal. So everyone else come on and subscribe!

For any current subscriber and any new subscriber. I will pick a random winner. That winner will be able to choose between ”Awaken the Giant Within”, ‘Success Built to Last : Creating a Life that Matters’ or ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’.

If you already signed up please let me know so you’re your name will have a chance at a prize I’m giving out. Pass the word to your friends. Come on and help me achieve my goal!

November 2007 Goal

November 1, 2007 by  
Filed under Goals

One of the most fundamental aspects to success is Goal Setting. In order for this blog to succeed we need to set goals. As of last night my Feedburner Number of subscribers were listed at 12. Not too bad when you consider the blog is just 17 days old.
So, I am going to set a primary goal for this blog for the month of November.

My goal for this month is to reach 50 subscribers by December 1, 2007. I have no idea if I’ll make it. There are some blogs out there that have been around for more than a year and they have only 150 or so subscribers. I don’t want to be plugging away at this for more than a year only to land 150! Help me achieve this people!

Can we make it? I can sure use your help. Tell your friends, tell people interested in books, movies or tv. Tell people interested in personal development. Help me make this a success. Sign up below.

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