Top Ten Things I Learned from Cloverfield

Rick here once again. Cloverfield is here, and yes, I survived the incident. I thought it was pretty good, not great mind you but pretty good. There are a few things I didn’t like, but this isn’t a review site or we’d be more pretentious and love ourselves a lot more.

Monsters, Chaos, all hell breaking loose, sure that’s just a day in the life of yours truly, but this movie did have its lessons to pass on.

1. Cell phone batteries stolen out of the store come fully charged.
2. Rats that all run in one direction, always means there is something very bad in the direction they are coming from. Don’t think, don’t observe, just run.
3. Don’t bother with dark underground tunnels, stay up top, where there is light. You want to know what’s coming at you, so you can act accordingly.
4. Watch the News report that tells you there are little creatures falling off the Bigger monster and are wreaking havoc, then completely forget about the potential problem when the rats are fleeing a danger and you have to stand around to talk about it.
5. Even after the news report, don’t bother finding any rudimentary weapons before venturing into the dark subway tunnel.
6. Even if she somehow pisses you off when she comes to your going away party be nice and don’t let it bother you. Otherwise you might end up having to trek across the town, endanger all your friends, in the middle of utter chaos to go and get her back and finally tell her you love her.
7. If your in-love with that certain someone, and at one point, you both give in to those feelings and sleep with each other. THAT point, might be a very good time, to tell him/her that you love them.
8. Always check your tape before you record over it.
9. Good days are common, great days are hard to come by, if you get it on tape, pull it out of the camera, mark it, and save it.
10. Never EVER! Go to New York, especially Manhattan.

Top 10 Things I Learned from AVP

Hello Monks. Rick here again with the top 10! This time I tackle Alien vs. Predator Requiem. Sure it wasn’t Aliens, but at least it wasn’t that first AvP movie. There were a few things to learn from this movie. And at least one very good one. Here it is, enjoy.

1. The sewer makes great living quarters for the homeless and a superb breeding ground for the alien infestation.
2. The hospital is a great place to give birth and a superb breeding ground for the alien infestation.
3. A hunting trip with your boy is all fun and games, just never, under any circumstances check out that strange object that fell from the sky. Doing so only leads to a horrible death.
4. When you pick up your dead Predator comrade from the Alien/Predator show down. Inspect the body for infection before allowing it on board.
5. There may not be any honor in killing the cop who stumbled upon you as you clean up someone else’s mess. But it sure is fun skinning him.
6. Panicking in the middle of an alien hive achieves only one thing. Getting yourself killed.
7. Corporeal Hicks learned the lessons of his forefathers, why send down a platoon of troops to die trying to cleanse out the Alien infestation when you can do all the work by nuking it from orbit.
8. Always listen to the person with the Military background. It could mean the difference between surviving and death by nuclear cleansing. (see number
9. As much as you like the hot blonde with the douche bag boyfriend, it only leads to trouble, a kick to the stomach and your keys getting dumped in the alien infested sewer.
10. The Predators are a clean society; their blue goo can get rid of anything, from bodies to that gravy stain in your suit jacket.